“Hey Coach, we hope you like your present! We didn’t wrap him in much but we figured you wouldn’t mind that!”
Not at all, team. I”ve noticed he hasn’t said much though. Does he have a voice? Should I be signing?
“We know you wouldn’t care either way, Coach, but we’ve just had him programmed to arrive already mindlessly obedient.”
Very nice, team. So if I say, ‘Slip down your boxer briefs’…. Nice! He’s already such a good boy.
“Yes, Coach. We had some help programming him from the assistant Coaches. They bound and blindfolded him and edged him for hours to your recordings.
I see. And what should I call My gift?
“They said they had to put in earbuds to make sure they didn’t end up mindless too. But Joe overheard some and is even more of a dumb jock!”
I see. And what should I call My gift?
“Whatever you want, Coach! Slave, boy, pup, he’ll be as you wish.”
“But his given name is Derrick, Sir.”
He’s quite the impressive specimen.
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Yet there he was, right in front of my Christmas tree and unbuttoning his Santa jacket to reveal just how much he had transformed this past year. 
Still, I was NOT prepared for what Santa did next… he pulled down his pants!