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I often cycle between wanting to be just a “normal jock” and a musclehead (aka a dumb jock). If I’m in a good mood, I basically just want to be a ripped version of my current self: same career, social life, friends, partner – everything and a bag of chips (the chips being a jock).  If I’m in a bad, self-loathing mood, I want nothing more than to completely transform my body, my mind, and my entire life and become a ripped gymrat musclehead who can only understand and make friends with other gymrats. I would ditch my old friends because we’d both start getting bored of eachother – they’d want me to shut up about all the progress I’m making in the gym, and I’d get tired of them going on and on about the news, books their reading, stuff they’re writing and other geeky shit that doesn’t make a difference to my life.

Right now, I’m in the latter mood.

For me, my desire to become a dumb jock is tied to my mood. That is, I ALWAYS want to become a jock – a gymrat obsessed with fitness, getting ripped, playing sports, and a sports fan – but, the dumbing down aspect seems to be tied to how I feel about myself at any given moment. When I’m having a good week and things are looking up I just enjoy imagining my muscle transformation. When I’m down in the dumps and it feels like my little world is falling in on me, I want nothing more than to hit reset on my life and become a complete airheaded jock, with my entire center of my being getting shifted exclusively to sports and bodybuilding, quitting my design job because I wouldn’t appreciate art, writing, or other visual creativity anymore because “that shit’s for pussies” anyway. In this extreme mindset, I want nothing more than to abandon all my old relationships because they just “don’t get” what it means to be totally, exclusively devoted to your health and fitness. They’ll get bored or weirded out by my new look, changing personality, and obsession. I’d probably get bored of them not understanding what losers they are for not being more like me and seek out other like minded bros and become part of a pack of wingmen and teammates.

Right now I’m in just such a mood. But the weird thing is, I always know the mood will pass, and so will that desire to become a meathead – so I never seem to be able to fully commit. I’ve frustrated potential coach/hypnotists because of this shift in moods. Maybe I’ll finally have some breakthrough in my career and I’ll never want to be a dumb jock again. Or, maybe I’ll actually end up having an extremely potent hypno session in one of my depressive moods and the motivation to actually work at become a complete musclefreak dumbass will get permanently switched on – no looking back.